We are planning our 45Th Reunion for September 2014. Everything was going great until we had a DISGRUNTLED Classmate start posting in one of our Forums about everything he did not like about the upcoming Reunion.

The Reunion Location is wrong.
The Reunion Tickets are too high priced.
The Reunion Food is too fancy.
The Reunion Parking is too expensive. Need I say More?

I agree he has a right to his opinion, but abusive language and attacks towards members of the Reunion Committee is not acceptable.

I know I could delete his access, but that will only put fuel on the fire. He would find some way to communicate especially if I cut him off. He is an unhappy individual who wants to pick a fight. Up until now we have tried not to respond to his rants, but it is getting harder and harder not to respond with all the false information he is spreading.

I also feel a polite phone call would fall on deaf ears and really give him something more to rant about.

I would appreciate your thoughts and/or suggestions.

Kudos ...CAV...

negative marketing is not good; abusive rants should be removed, and access blocked. I'd start with a call and see if he'll clean it up himself. If not, I would block his access and remove the posts. that sounds like he's gone too far and should not be tolerated.

There is always at least one in the crowd. I would just ignore him and let his actions speak for themselves. I am sure other classmates will take care of it for you.

No matter what you say, you will be the villain.

The last reunion we had, there was 850 in attendance and nothing to acceptable to everyone. As long as the majority agrees, then you are doing a fine job.

We had a fellow who. along with several of his friends, wanted to hire a band to play at our 40th. I told him that I appreciated it, but that it would be too loud for the room and that hardly anybody dances any more. Well, that really made him mad and he sent an email ripping me and the friend who's helped me put together our reunions every 5 years -- about how we wanted control, who did we think we were, why were we always the ones to put it together, etc. It was VERY hard not to take it personally, but there were a lot more people who didn't feel the way he did.

I wrote him back and with every ounce of reserve I had, told him that I appreciated his feedback and that if he wanted to take charge that I would be more than happy to send him all of the information that we had gathered thus far. And that I was really sorry he felt that way, because I would have liked to have had a band, but it just wouldn't work with the room and the crowd.

He replied that he appreciated my hard work, blah, blah, and that he and his wife had now planned a trip to NYC (from Houston) where they would be dining on fine food, blah, blah.

He didn't attend that one, and he didn't attend the recently-held 45th, but I bet you a dollar that he'll be at the 50th.

Just let it go. Don't let one sour apple spoil everything. If you're brave enough, see if he wants to volunteer to help out with some of the things he's barking about.

Best of luck to you...it's almost a thankless job -- until the night of the event.

Cay Dickson

Is there a nice way to ask him to be constructive rather than destructive? Perhaps you could address the entire membership for their input on his complaints. I had this happen with my HOA. Once the complainer saw that others were not in agreement, she stopped with the written complaints. If his objections are valid, others will agree with him. Otherwise, nothing you do will make him happy. Make your plans and move on.

As long as he's not using foul language or making personal attacks, my thought would be to ignore his posts. Hopefully, most others will do the same and he'll get the message.

You and others have worked hard, and 99.9% appreciate your efforts . . . enjoy your 45th reunion!!!

~ Life is short; Smile while we still have teeth! ~

Hey Cav....,

I think you should respond to this individual that is so negative. Maybe even invite him/her to join your committee. This often silences these types when you ask them to step up. I would go ahead and delete his post.

Life is too short for such pettiness. I think you will find that these types are few and far between and the rest appreciate all that you do.

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

You described him as "unhappy" and that could help you understand. Maybe he wants you to call? Perhaps a call with a strict script/plan to not get sidetracked into an argument? If it appears to be going downhill, just apologize for calling and tell him you hope he comes.

Sometimes people get "angry" because of mental issues caused by age. I've seen this a few times in other forums. The solution is just to ignore since anything else that doesn't "agree" with their "view" just makes it worse.

My last comment is that others will also recognize this for what it is. I wouldn't be overly concerned. But then I'm used to a bit of controversy

--This side story may or may not help explain--

We had one person post that he wasn't coming to the Reunion because spouses were not invited. It was exactly the opposite. I just left it alone since our website made it crystal clear that was not true. Obviously his mind was somewhere else

Four months later, even after we posted pictures showing spouses, he still insisted on repeating that story.

We had one of those and we simply ignored him. He wanted an audience and when he lost it, he moved on. At one point, we reminded everyone that our site was partially to organize our 50th, but it developed into much more. So if they are unhappy about our plans, note it and we will move on. It seemed to work. He knew he wasn't coming anyway, he just wanted to be heard. Ignore him. You may have to delete him but that is the cost of having a great site.

I have to agree with Rhonda. You just can't please everyone. When all is said and done your reunion will be wonderful and everyone that comes will have a good time and thank you for all you have done.

I would call him and tell him if he wanted to make constructive comments he is welcome to do so but...warn him to knock off the negative rants or you will cut off his access to the forum. Being the "bad guy" goes with the leadership position you're in. Most classmates will not consider you the bad guy and will appreciate the fact that you took a stand. Don't let him ruin it for everyone. The majority will appreciate the position you and/or the committee are in and go with the plans. The "thank you's" received after the event will make your hard work for your classmates all worth the efforts you made.

I agree with Curly!

I had one too. So, I called him up and discussed it with him. He wanted a cheaper place in another location so I asked him to research it for the day we wanted. It turned out that day was booked where he in mind. So I asked him if he had any ideas or contacts for the Friday night Happy Hour. He found a great restaurant in an area that made him happy. I put him in charge of it and more than 100 people showed up (we expected 60). I also explained to him why we chose the location we did. Blasting messages back and forth just isn't the best way to communicate to someone like this sometimes.

Perhaps a combination of "all of the above" will help defray the issue. A polite phone call to let opinions be heard, an invitation to help, come to the meetings, bring solutions/options etc for issues, bring ideas for another "less expensive" pre-reunion option, perhaps, and post a nice, short,but sweet declarative that you value everyone's opinions and appreciate all their help,etc, requesting complaints be kept classy and constructive and creative solutions and conversations always welcome. Majority still rules in the end.
So many other things are going on in everyone's lives and we never know what others are really going through. Like the old adage goes, better to be kind than insist on being right, but the nay-sayers will complain and if politely challenged, my bet is that they will not "volunteer" because very few want to commit to the real "work" of a reunion. Talk is cheap, and the complainers seem to get crankier with the passing of the years, but they lose out on all the "fun"! All you can do is offer, the choices are theirs to make.
We've had six classmates end up on the obituary pages in recent months. Hopefully I will not have to post any more names before our next opportunity for a reunion.
Life's too short, give the grinches a smile and an invite for an eggnog....and know with confidence that it will all be worth it once the reunion happens. Those that are alive and willing to join in the Fun affirm that fact that some things in life are still priceless.
Have a wonderful Reunion, in every way possible!

We had to deny access to someone who was disagreeing with decisions made by our reunion committee. We had no problem with his disagreeing, we did have a problem with the way he was disagreeing and that he was spreading negativity. It was his way or the highway and that is just not the way we do things. I personally told him that I hoped he would curb his anger and find a way to go along with what we had decided. He couldn't do that.

I have to agree with Max. Call him up and invite him to join the committee. It's hard to complain about yourself

My favorite Mark Twain quote.
"The quickest way to have any endeavor fail is to attempt to make it fair and equitable for all concerned."
Disgruntled? Pick your committee.
Foul Language? Gone after one notice.
Spreading Mistruths? Explain truth and delete if continues.
I noted this evening that the change I got at the grocery store was 30 cents more than I used to pay for a carton of cigarettes. I had gotten $1.35 in change.
Most of the folks who complain have no concept of what it costs to have a large group come together.
Bet if you could hook a breathalyzer to the computer you'd find they're guilty of CUI.

While we all know 'you can't please everyone - - - '
Is he the only one 'complaining?'

Perhaps let him know [in the forum] that things are set for this reunion, but he is welcome to join the committee for the next reunion to see if things can be done to his satisfaction then. e.g. - put up or shut up!
[Be sure to do a follow up survey of the class after your reunion of what they liked, did not like, would like to see added, etc. for the next reunion - and save it for the NEXT one when it is in the planning stages.]

If this person IS in the minority, perhaps some of the other classmates will step up and let him know he is 'out of line.'

We have a 'Purpose Statement' on our Home Page that was adapted from several other sites that I compiled to address similar issues - ALL because of one member.

Knock-on-wood, so far, no more complaining!

Have you established terms of use for the web site? If not you should seriously consider doing so.

Abusing committee members and intentionally misrepresenting information are not acceptable behavior as you note. Individuals who are not reasonable should be advised and if the behavior continues their access should be restricted.

I hope this helps...good luck!

A copy of our terms follows:

Purpose and Terms of Use for the APHS1962 Web Site

As noted under “Getting Started” on the home page, the original purpose ofwww.aphs1962.com was to digitally connect with as many of our approximately 380 classmates as possible to inform them about our upcoming 50th reunion, October 26-28, 2012.
In addition, the Reunion Committee welcomes and encourages classmates and guests to use the web site to reconnect with old friends, to develop new friends, share memories and stories about their time at APHS and lives since graduation. The web site is not a public forum but rather is a private, non-governmental site intended to help build an online community for members of the APHS Class of 1962 through open and civil discourse based on shared values of mutual respect and tolerance.
Therefore, it is expected that all members of the web site will use discretion when posting messages and understand that political, religious, and personal attacks are not permitted. The Reunion Committee reserves the right to delete any postings and materials deemed to be inflammatory, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, offensive, pornographic, or otherwise in violation of any law.
The Reunion Committee further reserves the right to remove and exclude any classmate from the web site who after being warned continues to post objectionable material.

APHS Class of 1962 Reunion Committee

Kudos to you all!!! Y'all are the BEST!!!

EIGHTEEN excellent comments/suggestions in less than 3 hours ... ALL of your comments/suggestions are dead on with helpful solutions. Our Reunion Committee will regroup and I will let you all know how things work out.

Brad see what you have created ... only the best!!!

Kudos once again!!!

...CAV...

Great. Makes me smile.

I also have a disgruntled classmate who has been posting inappropriate messages on other classmates pages or sending them private messages that include vulgar language and rude remarks! I have warned her if it continues, her account would be deleted! Other admins have responded to her in the last month with the same warning and today she attacked me. She is always stirring the pot when there is nothing to be stirred! We will be having our 45th reunion this summer and this is all so immature. How do I block her from the site? Do I delete her account or is there a way to leave her account and profile in place but block her access? Really tired of this sort of behavior! Thanks!

Had a similar problem, once.
we created a purpose statement on the Home Page, check it out.
Also, something along these lines [below] might help you as well [From a Facebook group about my home town that I help monitor.
---------------------

is a place for all with good intentions to come, reminisce, converse and post pictures about Freeport, Texas.

This is a public forum. Be polite, use your manners, adhere to the Golden Rule and be mindful that although they are words, they can still hurt.

Please refrain from volatile topics like religion and politics. While they are an integral part of our lives, that's not what you should be here to talk about. If you are, please find another group. If you do, your posts will be deleted.

I concur with "CAV", response #18.
Barbara

I would disable her access by resetting her password and then wait for her to contact me. Zero tolerance. in 7 years we have only deleted 1 member.

Don, if you did that, they could recover the password by simply clicking on 'Forgot Password,' right?

wow. Right you are.
I'd never realized that, as I'd never used it!
I have reset profiles from time to time when entrants don't respect the information that we require to let them in. We assume them to be lurkers. I guess we're lucky in that there was only one person who was trouble. We took a vote and Delete was the decision. One bad apple can poison the tree. Best to pick them off.

I just wanted to reply to Steves post about resetting passwords. Everyone on my site who lost passwords had to ask me for a new one. Members cannot just reset passwords by themselves, so the option of deleting the password is an option I am also considering. I have one member who is trying to create her own reunion two months before our upcoming reunion in June.
I have been trying to find a way to disable her movements on the site and also not allowing her to receive mail or contact other members, without deleting her profile.
I wish the site was set with these features.

While I'm happy that we've never had this problem, Steve's right. While many members will ask you to reset their password for them, any change you make to a password will result in an automatic email to their email address telling them that their password has changed. The theory is that you'll personally email them the new password if you change it, but in any case they can always click on "Forgot Password" and the system will send an email to their email address on record with a link to reset their password.

And changing their email address isn't a sure-fire method either, since the system will send a noice of the change to their previous email address.

For those few times when we need to manage/control a registered member's access or functionality, we need a way to inactivate them without wiping out their profile and prior activity. Better yet, we've asked several times over the years for more member options so we can control what each member can see and do - similar to the options we have to control what co-admins can see and do.

I have changed the member status to Guest member, Don't know if that will still allow her to contact other members but I hope it will. I wonder what a guest member sees?

As a logged in Guest Member, they are treated as a full member and will see everything that all other logged in members see.

Thanks Scott, for your reply. Could you tell what other method could be used to disable a member from contacting other members or get mail? I did not want to delete her profile.
If nothing currently available, maybe something to think about.

The only option to limit them is to remove their email address... effectively banning them from logging into the site.