We are having our 50th Birthday Bash on June 11th, which is coming up quickly. Some of the guys are roasting a pig, everyone is bringing a covered dish and various classmates are supplying the rest. I would really like to have something funny to read about turning 50. If anyone has something related to that, can you please share with me? I know I should just ask Kris and I am sure she can come up with something.....

Thanks so much!
Dawn

Hi Dawn!
Congratulations on your Birthday milestone and celebration!
Thanks for the "challenge"!
Here are two you-tubes for starting points...they have great ideas, and if you have someone who can sing the second one, it would be very funny in person!

A fun site that might be of interest buzzle.com
Have FUN!
The Quest continues...!

HI again,
Here's a site that seems to have tons of ideas....

things-to-say.com

a few samples follow...
A Parallel on Aging

Do houses age like people age?
Sometimes I think they may.
For they, like us, appear to change
With each ensuing day.

As fleeting years go rolling by,
And paint begins to peel,

The chips of wood start breaking off,
I know just how they feel.

When plumbing lines all start to clog,
And water won't go through,
I feel that I can sympathize,
For I have been there, too.

When sagging walls begin to bulge,
The rafters creak and groan,
I tell the aging, aching house
It does not stand alone.

Whoever said time heals all things
Most clearly failed to see.

Instead of healer, could not Time
Source of our problems be?

The Golden Years

I'm getting old as you can see ....
... not quite as healthy as I could be.

I'm well over weight and my blood pressure is high,
and those little things tend to make me cry.

I have arthritis in both my knees
and my allergies tends to make me sneeze.

I get these pains deep in my back.....

I think my spine is out of whack.

My eyes are weak ......

.....and I can't hear very well.

If deaf I'm going only time will tell.

Sometimes my stomach gets real sore

and I don't remember certain things any more.

Sleeplessness is a common thing....

... and when I walk
I no longer spring.

So now my tale is almost done.

I want to tell you I still have fun!

So much to do, so much to see.

I'm happier now than I could ever be.

and yet another, this one is from another site called'
50th birthday party ideas.com

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have Power Surges

May you live long enough to shoot your age.

Recycle. Celebrate last year's birthday.

You're still hot, its just that it comes in hot flashes.

There are numerous advantages in being fifty – ask any eighty year old!!!

At fifty you’ve accumulated the knowledge and wisdom of half a century. This would be a tremendous asset if only darned senility hadn’t wiped your memory bank.

50 Reasons
(This is a little poem inspired by the Paul Simon Song “50 Reasons to Leave Your Lover”

the problem is you’re not as young as you used to be
But it’s not that bad if you think creatively
I’ll try and help you think of how to be happy
there must be fifty reasons to celebrate today
So get out the cake, Jake
Blow up the balloon, June
Open the gifts – swift
It’s your birthday
Don’t be shy, guy
Don’t complain, Jane
Enjoy your day, Ray
You don’t have to do much
Just enjoy your birthday
it’s okay to be fifty
There’s so many things you’ve done
And in these years you’ve had some fun
so let’s celebrate it tonight
there must be fifty reasons to celebrate today.

Could also be 50 ways to have some FUN!
Here's to the next 50 years! May each one be The Best one yet!

This is from a little book called "Timeless Treasures" by Vernon McClellan that my Mom gave me many years ago....the little book gave me the idea to post quotes on our site an it was the start of something very enlightening and FUN!

The following has no known author, but may be of use, somewhere, sometime...

There are three things that grow more precious with age: old wood to burn, old books to read, and old friends to enjoy.

And Betty White is an inspiration to us all, making 90 look like FUN! Her adage for AARP of "Get Over It" is easy to remember also!
Don't forget your playlist may include "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart also.
Fortune cookies or even chocolate chip with sayings attached may be fun for snack/dessert...or cupcakes with a funny quote attached...maybe even tootsie pos with sayings about the joys of "maturity" may be fun...

Hi Dawn,
Hoping that someone else contributes their unique ides, but while waiting, here are a few sites found in the quest.
over50website

the following is from the above site...
"Middle Age Is….

…work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot of work!
…your doctor,and not the police, tell you to slow down.
…caution is the only thing you want to exercise regularly.
…sometimes you don’t care where you spouse goes as long as you don’t have to go along.

Positive Thoughts About Being 50 Plus Today!

I cannot end this with grim humor. I just cannot. Let’s look forward to a great future.

* The kids are alright. We have raised a generation of kids who are clear eyed, smart, and beautiful. They have less ingrained prejuduces and are likley to be serious about society. Boomers marched for civil rights, while the kids take those things as a given. We have done some things alright, and as every generation hopes to do, have raised kids that in some ways, are better than we are.
* We ushered in the information age. The internet has made knowledge and business accessible to almost everybody. And what we struggled with, our kids learned in kindergarten.
* For better or worse, we did things out loud. We fought the previous generation’s repression. We got divorced, has intimate relationships, and went bankrupt out in the open. We allowed people to admit they were gay. We brought to light the problems that had always been with us like abuse, rape, and war. Once the rug had been removed, hopefully there is no putting it back! People cannot learn unless they can know.
* We can expect to live longer than any other generation. We can also expect to be healthy and productive at older ages. We redefine aging."

also:overfiftyjokes

and from the Bumper Sticker site,
"This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me"

Hi again, Dawn!
Just a few insights "from our site", that are just for Fun!...they've been around, but seem almost universal!

NOW THAT I'M OLDER, HERE'S WHAT I'VE DISCOVERED:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8.Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

And on the more "serious" side, a "story" that is worth passing along...titled "Two Men"
Two Men....

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back

The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.

Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.

The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

and some from this site...love-of-poems.com

Her Majesty, The Queen of England isn't sending you a telegram this year but......she's happy to know you're halfway there!

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." -George Burns

On my 50th birthday my wife gave me a superb birthday present. She let me win an argument.

Probably the happiest period in life most frequently is in middle age, when the eager passions of youth are cooled, and the infirmities of age not yet begun; as we see that the shadows, which are at morning and evening so large, almost entirely disappear at midday. Thomas Arnold

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If you cannot do great things at the age of 50, do small things in a great way

God grant me the senility To forget the people I never liked, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.

And here's more Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it's surprising how often they head in your direction.Happy 50th Birthday.

Just like fine wine, you grow better with the years! Happy 50th Birthday!

Today, be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely... and since today is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun, enjoy the trip.

Youth is a work of nature, but age is a work of art! Congratulations on your second childhood! Happy 50th Birthday!

The Chinese say: You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair
Happy 50th Birthday

Happy 50th Birthday! You're not getting older...just more distinguished!

Fifty! Now is the time to make your mark on the world – explore the Antarctic or become an astronaut. Make your mind up to take on exciting new challenges - straight after your afternoon nap.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." -Ogden Nash

It is often said that With Age Comes Wisdom and you're One Of The Wisest People I Know!

Yet more Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Happy 50th Birthday and by now you‘ll know: There is still no cure for the common birthday and you’ll also be aware that reaching another birthday is much better than the alternative

May the best of your past (and you’ve got a lot) be the worst of your future. Happy 50th birthday

Happy 50th Birthday . Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending

As William Shakespeare might have said of you Have you not a moist eye, a dry hand, a yellow cheek, a white beard, a decreasing leg, an increasing belly? Is not your voice broken, your wind short, your chin double, your wit single, and every part about you blasted with antiquity?

Hope you all have a most excellent time, and may the next 50 years be the Best Yet!

HAVE FUN!!!

One last one for now...this is from an e-mail on the Senior Alphabet!

New Alphabet
A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now
The Alphabet:

A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains,
perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H . high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I . for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.

W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

and one last one from another e-mail! Notice the theme(it was also in very giant print!)...!

A.A.A.D.D.. KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden..
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first..

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first..

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all darn day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who the heck I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!